I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I stole a fireplace last night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
