U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
