Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
