I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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