well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
