i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
