Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
