so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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