Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
