I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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