Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Apparently you make a good broom.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize