god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
