She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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