dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
