And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize