by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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