First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
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