I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
