his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
