Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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