marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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