Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
