Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
