I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
