I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
