dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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