He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
