between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
