got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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