I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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