Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
