5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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