i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
