can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My nipple is on Facebook.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
