I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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