These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
