I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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