Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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