No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
