we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
