She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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