im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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