cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
