I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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