i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
