He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
