do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
