Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
