Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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