I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
