yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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