i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
40s are totally the cure
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
