Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
