ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
