You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize