Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
