He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
