Taylor Swift is so right about you.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
