Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
