my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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