he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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