I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
