i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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