My first STD was from a foam party
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
