forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize