He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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