I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
