i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
