My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
