As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
