i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it hurts more in the daytime
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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