So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
