I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
