We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
