You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
