Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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