on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
